Today I look at this scripture and can only breathe gratitude for its presence in the Bible. Have you ever had a time in your life when your heart has been broken? Has there ever been that moment in your life when you stood so completely numb that you could not think the next thought, much less take the next breath? For those who do not know our Lord personally and intimately, it is unfathomable how anyone can survive those moments or even continue on with life.

Sometimes in my life, it has felt as though I have not only been "kicked in the gut" but karate chopped too. Loss, grief, and sadness were so overwhelming that I had absolutely nowhere else to turn but Him. Sometimes I can barely get the words out in my heart, much less my lips, to praise Him in these times. So today I come to share with you my broken heart. My hope is that you will open your heart, and share with me too. Together, we will find God right there and catch our breath together.

Daily my fiancé and I have been praying for the soldiers in Afghanistan and Iraq, for safety and protection, for God’s Hand over them, and for completion of their work. My mother called me at work yesterday, rare for her, but not completely out of the ordinary. But her words chilled me, "I called to let you know…" always the opening line to dreaded news. And so it was. My cousin’s eldest son, a Navy Seal, died this week in the terrible crash of the helicopter shot down on the Afghanistan/Pakistan border. In all, seventeen Navy Seals died on that mountainside as they flew in to assist 10 other Americans under fire that night.

The news was stunning. My breath left me as I sat numbly at my desk. There was no one to whom I could turn, no one but Him. I couldn’t find words to call out to Him, nor would any tears come. But I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that He was right there. In my mind, all that I could see was this little boy’s face, running through our front door, slinging bales of hay, playing ball, smiling. He was just a farm boy from Oregon who always dreamed of being a Navy Seal. He grew up with his only brother, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents right next door, and great grandma less than a half mile down the road.

Yes, he had a good relationship with Jesus, a loving relationship with his wife, and a precious relationship with his little son (nearly 5). As that chopper crashed into and rolled down that mountainside, did he roll right into his Saviour’s arms? Did his Beloved One call out and say, "It’s time. Come on over here. I’ll take care of the rest." As his mother sits alone on that airplane right now flying back to be with his wife and son, her heart cries out, broken and numb and her Beloved says, "I’m right here. I’ll take care of the rest. I see the future, just trust Me."

You see, we all have had broken hearts. God’s Word says we will have trials and tribulations. We never have to ask, "Why?" not ever. We never have to wonder why there is grief or sadness or disappointment. God has already given us the answers about why there are wars and violence, hatred and killing, terrible natural disasters, horrible diseases, or other happenings that we don’t understand. You and I never have to demand an answer from God because He explains it all in His letter to us. Sometimes I don’t find the answers I really want, but I find answers and it must be enough; until eternity, it must be.

This month I anticipate a rather major birthday. It’s funny, but the number doesn’t match my heart. Through the short years of my life, I have seen my share of heartaches, losses, and life events for which there were and are no answers. God has applied the salve of His forgiveness to the seemingly unhealable wounds of my soul, the balm of His love to the ripping pain of my losses, and so my heart has been able to love again—able to accept His love more fully, able to love Him more completely, and surely a great deal more able to love others.

Are there wounds on your soul? Are there hurts that seem like they could never, ever be healed? Have you had losses that you feel can never be made up? Do you have regrets, resentments, or hurts that have never seemed to stop bleeding? Have the betrayals, desertions, mistakes or unintended tangles of life left you desolate?

Remember what God’s Word promises you and me:

At this very moment, God is right there with you. No matter what the loss, how deep the heartache, how black the grief—He’s right there. Here’s to catching our breath.

Copyright 2005 by Desiree Marrion Pheister

Desirée L.M. Pheister is a member of Eastside Foursquare Church. She is a newlywed, mother of a teenager, a proud grandmother of three, and an administrative assistant at a medical research facility. You may reach her at: marrion8955@yahoo.com